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Post by reid jonah matthews on Aug 5, 2012 21:49:16 GMT -5
It was the weekend and it was gloomy. Reid hated gloomy weather. He hated rain and he hated the cold. Right now Reid just hated everything. He was in a bad mood and he was depressed. Part of the reason was his classes weren't going so well. his students didn't seem to care and weren't even trying. Another reason was he was lonely. His new puppy, Tweedles, helped that some but he still felt the pang of loneliness. That and a letter from his mother didn't help today either. She had said that they were thinking of moving his father from the U.S. over to England. That had put him into an even worse mood. To put it bluntly he was irritated and depressed and for him that wasn't a good mix.
He paced around the room in his navy blue suit. His jacket was thrown on his chair, his tie was loosened, and his first couple buttons on his shirt undone. He ran his hands through his hair. It was getting pretty long. Maybe he should get it cut soon. He shook his head to rid the buzz in his brain. He had taken his medication for his schizophrenia today but from his mood he could feel it. He didn't want to go there today. He had been doing so well but now today he found himself thinking of the past. The years before he was clean. The drugs and the freedoma nd how sweet it had been......no. No it had not been sweet. It had been hell. He needed to get out of the office.
He turned on his heels and walked out of his office and down towards the dungeons. It was late. Everyone was in bed already he knew that. It was probably around midnight but he needed to get away. He needed someone to help him right now and the only person who could do that was Mike. He approached his brother's room and knocked on the door. He was staring to sweat a little. Slightly from the walk down here and slightly from the anxiety he was feeling. He leaned on the wall waiting for Mike to answer the door.
"Mike. I need to talk. Please, open the door. It's been a bad day...."
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Post by mike henry matthews on Aug 5, 2012 22:12:31 GMT -5
At times like these, Mike was at his worst. Students to grade, thus students to fail. Most hated potions, yet there were always atleast two students whom shone brighter than the sun and shot passed the other students to take home the gold. These were the students that made teaching worthwhile for Mike. Those were the students whom were able to plaster a smile on Professor Matthews' face. Well, a genuine one anyway.
Writing the last comment on the final test, Mike pushed his chair away from the mahogany desk and stood. He wondered how Reid was doing with grading his own tests and having to fail almost every single of his own students. Yet his thoughts were cut short when his ears picked up a light knocking on the door of his bedroom. Making his way over towards the door, Mike heard his brother's words and sighed. "What happened?" He had asked, opening the door and looking down at the mess that was his brother. Wrapping an arm around the other male, Mike pulled the other in and walked him over to his bed.
The brothers had been close since Reid's parents had adopted Mike. Yet it was only after Reid had begun to spiral out of control and begin taking drugs that the two grew closer. Even though Mike was always there for Reid, and he knew that without him the other would have gone into relapse, the truth was... Was that Mike needed Reid just as much as the other needed him. Mike had been suffering in silence about his anxiety attacks, yet whenever he saw Reid or even heard his brother's voice, the male would be pulled out of his slump and brought back into reality.
"Okay, tell me everything."
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Post by reid jonah matthews on Aug 5, 2012 22:33:30 GMT -5
Reid sighed and shook his head again to try and get rid of the all too familiar buzz from his illness. He tried to smile at his older brother as he put and arm around him and led him into his room but he couldn't. He didn't know why he got into these moods but he couldn't shake them. He couldn't relapse. He had been clean for three years now. He had relapsed so many times before he could finally break his habit. He couldn't....wouldn't do that again and he needed Mike's help for that. He couldn't do this on his own.
"It's just everything...it's all piling up. My students don't care at all. No matter what I do. I just got an owl from Mom today saying that they're thinking of moving Dad over here and....Mike, I'm lonely. I mean...Tweedles helps but its not the same. But who would want a basket case like me? They find out about all of my skeletons they'll turn tail and run."
He sat down in a chair and leaned his elbows on his knees running his hands through his hair. He pulled at it slightly squeezing his eyes shut. The buzz was getting stronger and he pushed the buzz farther back into his mind. No, not tonight. He wouldn't let it take hold tonight. He had taken his meds.....not all of them but some of them. He thought he would have been fine.
He looked up at his brother. He had always been there for him and he was greatful for everything he ahd done for him. He would always be there for Mike if he needed him. He doubt he could be any help but he would always be there for him.
"I'm sorry for coming so late....you were probably busy."
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Post by mike henry matthews on Aug 5, 2012 22:55:10 GMT -5
"That's not true and you know it."
Mike hated when Reid began to talk like that, and the male shook his head. "The girl you fall in love with, won't care about your skeletons. If she's the one you truly love. Because you wouldn't fall for anyone else. And she would be lucky to have you." Moving over towards his brother, Mike placed a hand on his shoulders and offered a small smile to the other male. He also hated seeing Reid like this. He knew the other hadn't taken all of his medication, yet he wouldn't press the matter. One less thing for either of the brothers to worry about. But then again... He really had to take his meds.
Looking up towards the ceiling, Mike thought about what would happen if Reid actually fell in love with a girl. He pictured the two sitting on a park bench talking about anything and everything and a small smile came to his lips. Reid spoke about his problems and past, and the female simply smiled and wrapped an arm around him. Moments later, Mike realised that the image in his mind turned to the pair sharing in a simple kiss and the smile on his face widened. That was what he wanted for his younger brother. That right there. That was pure happiness, and Reid still had to experience it.
"Potions aren't most student's favourite either. And did she give any indication as to why they're thinking of moving him? That's just... Not right." Pausing for a brief moment, Mike's lips curled downwards into a frown and he shook his head.
"You should never be sorry. You know I love talking to you."
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Post by reid jonah matthews on Aug 5, 2012 23:10:13 GMT -5
Reid rolled his eyes as Mike said that it wasn't true that they would run. Why wouldn't they run? An ex-addict with schizophrenia. It wasn't the best mix. He tried though. He tried to stay on track and he was lucky to even get this job with his record. If it wasn't for Mike dragging him out of the streets and to rehab then Reid probably would have been in jail for something or another.
"A coctail of drugs and crazy. Yeah that's every girl's dream guy."
He hadn't meant to be sarcastic but he couldn't help it. He leaned back and put his hand ontop of his brothers as he put it on his shoulder. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath trying to calm his mind. For the past three years he had been studying meditation. It was a class he had to take when he was in rehab. It was supposed to calm the mind and suppress the urges. It helped sometimes and it was slowly starting to help now. He counted his heart beats for a minute breathing in slowly in through his nose and out through his mouth. When he opened his eyes he had stopped shaking. He would be some what alright now....he thought anyways. He looked up at Mike with a shrug.
"She didn't go into detail. She just said that he has gotten worse and she wants to help. I think its a bad idea. I try not to think of him......Mikey.....what if I become like him? What if I get that bad? What am I going to do?"
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Post by mike henry matthews on Aug 5, 2012 23:19:58 GMT -5
"No, that's not every girl's dream guy. But you are one girl's dream guy."
Mike had remembered how one of his own female friends had spoken about wanting to get to know Reid better. Her name was Lydia. Yet for some reason, he never got around to telling Reid about her, thus the interest died and she was now a happily married woman. Well, married anyway.
Watching his brother slow his breathing and practice the meditation technique they doctors in the rehab facility had taught him, Mike nearly shut down completely. He truly hated seeing his brother like this, and the fact that he couldn't wrap his arms around him and take away all the pain, all the suffering, all the badness hit him hard in the gut. If there was any way he could take his brother's problems and have them for himself, he would have carried that burden on his back for the rest of his years. He would have done anything for Reid.
Listening to the other's words about his father, Mike tilted his head to the side and shook his head. "You will never be like him. I promise you that. I won't let you. You have my word." Kissing the top of Reid's head, the older brother laughed a little and placed his hands on either side of the other's face. "So don't dwell on it. I'll protect you from yourself."
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Post by reid jonah matthews on Aug 5, 2012 23:32:48 GMT -5
He looked away from Mike and just stared at a piece of wall for a second thinking about what he had said. Not every girl's dream guy but he was some girl's dream guy. That just seemed too farfetched to him. He couldn't and would probably never understand how anyone could love him how he was and after the things he had done. He was surprised that Mike was still here by his side.
"I'll be surprised as well if I ever find a girl who could want me. I'm surprised you're still here after what happened the first time."
He was speaking of his first relapse. He had only been out of rehab for a month. Mike had brought him home and let him live with him. Reid had been grateful but the weeks passed by and Not being around the doctors who made him control it he slipped. He hadn't gotten a job yet so he had no money and one night it just imploded. He hadn't take his medication that day and he was shaking and sweating from his lack of drugs. He had stolen money from mike just to get his fix. He had disappeared for three weeks and in those three weeks he had gone back to where he had started. Back to his old habits and he had to go to rehab again. Mike stayed with him through it all and Reid was still amazed by it.
Reid leaned back and looked back up at his brother as he shook his head and spoke. He wouldn't et him become like that. But could Mike really stop it from happening? That was one of the main reasons that he didn't go out and meet girls. He was lonely, yes, but he was also scared. Scared that if he got involved with someone and he slipped that he would hurt them. He smiled as Mike kissed the top of his head. He really did love his brother. Even if they weren't blood related they were still family.
"Thank you, Mikey. You have no idea what it means to me that you're still here. You and mom."
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Post by mike henry matthews on Aug 6, 2012 1:42:20 GMT -5
Rain: I'LL LOVE YOU REID!! -clings to- Upon thinking back to the first time Reid relapsed, Mike shook his head and tried to forget. Yet the image remained in the back of his mind as bright as the day it had happened. Those three weeks which Reid had been missing were pure torture on the male's mind, heart, and everything else about him. He never wanted that feeling to return. Not now, not in the future, not ever.
"Let's not think about that, baby brother. And I can garauntee you that you'll find someone. Any girl would be lucky to have you."
Thinking back to the time when Reid had relapsed, Mike tried to shake the thoughts yet they came back stronger. The night he had disappeared, Mike had had a terrible anxiety attack. He shook, and his heart pounded like there was no tomorrow. All he wanted was Reid back in his home, safe and secure. Anf for those three weeks that he was looking for him, he had to take medication. The medication hardly did anything for the nervous wreck of a brother, yet they allowed him to sleep at night - even if it wasn't restful sleep and he still gained nightmares when ever he would close his eyes. When Reid finally returned, Mike calmed down somewhat, yet continued to take the medication. He didn't want to tell his baby brother about his problems, thus only his adoptive mother knew about it.
"Where would I go? When you have an answer to that, then that's the day I leave."
A light chuckle escaped Mike's lips as he stepped away from his brother and moved into the bathroom that joined onto his room. Taking a glass, the male filled it with water before re-entering the main room and passing it to Reid.
"Don't forget, I need you just as much as you need me."
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Post by reid jonah matthews on Aug 6, 2012 2:01:05 GMT -5
"I can't help but think about it. About all of the times I relapsed. Its been three years, Mike. I hate myself for everything I've put you and Mom through."
He ran his hands through his hair again thinking again that maybe he should cut it short again. Their mother liked it better short but Reid sometimes liked it long. It was down along the bottoms of his ears now and was growing fast. The three weeks he had disappeared the first time his hair had grown a whole inch. When Mike had found him his hair was longer, he was unshaven, his clothes were dirty, and his schitzophrenia was in full swing. He had been muttering to himself in an alley when Mike had showed up. He remembered that much. Everything else was more of a blur. A mix of the voices and the constant high he was feeling.
"You could go anywhere but here. Back to the States maybe."
Reid took the glass of water his older brother handed him. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pill bottle. It was the strongest of his medications and it was the one that he hadn't taken today. Better late than never. He popped the top off and took a pill putting it in his mouth then her washed it down with the water. He quickly replaced the lid and stuck it back in his pocket shrugging at Mike. He really needed to take these everyday. he didn't want to slip again. This visit made that even clearer.
"You don't need me. You would do just fine without me. You were the popular one in our years here. I was the runt who got bullied everyday."
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Post by mike henry matthews on Aug 6, 2012 8:09:11 GMT -5
"Shush. Don't think about that. You know we would do anything not to lose you again. So, don't dwell on the past. It isn't healthy."
Turning on his heels, Mike walked back into the bathroom where he had taken another glass and poured another water. This time, for himself. Taking a small sip, the male returned to the main room and pulled up a chair besides his brother before wrapping both hands around the glass and resting his elbows on his knees. The truth was, was that Mike couldn't leave. He couldn't go anywhere. Without Reid, he would be a lost little boy trapped inside a man's body.
Peering down at the floorboards underneath his feet, Mike closed his eyes for a brief moment and tried to picture what his life would have been like if Reid's parents hadn't adopted him. He would have gone from foster home to foster home, until he was too old to live in a shared building and then he would be on the streets. Facing life by himself. Without someone to love him, and someone to care for him. Without parents, without a brother... Without Reid. His head shook at the thought before his eyes opened and they moved their gaze back towards his brother.
"I can't leave Reid. You know that."
As the other spoke about their school years, the male laughed a little and brought a hand up to his chin to rub the shadow of a beard that had begun to grow there.
"I was the popular one who looked out for you. Stopped as much of the bullying as I could. And left girl's waiting for me to return to make sure you were safe, secure, and okay. Reid, I wouldn't have done all of that if I could just walk away. I wouldn't do all of that if I didn't care about you, or if I didn't need you."
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Post by reid jonah matthews on Aug 6, 2012 12:15:18 GMT -5
"The past is my future I fear sometimes...thank you for helping me get this job. It helps."
Mike was the one who helped him get this job. He had gotten the job a little bit before him and had spoken the the headmistress about Reid taking up the position for Arithmacy. Knowing Reid's love of numbers it was a perfect fit. He couldn't be more grateful to Mike for everything he had done for him. He wished that he could give back to him. He wished he could help him.
Reid wasn't stupid. Actually he had an IQ of 187. He was far from stupid. He knew that Mike had anxiety but Reid knew Mike would tell him when he felt he needed to. He didn't push it and he didn't hint that he knew about it. He would let Mike come around at his own time. He had done that for Reid, he could only return the favor. He also knew that was why Mike couldn't leave. But Reid could still not understand why Mike needed him.
Reid rubbed his eyes and took a sip of his water again thinking of their school years. Reid had been the skinny, runt who was always rambling on about stuff no one understood. He was always in the library or in the towers reading books and soaking in all of the information he could. He had excellent grades but he was awkward. He got bullied for that more times than none. Mike had been the popular one. He had all the friends and everyone knew him. He had stood up for Reid on countless occasions but he wasn't there all of the time. Reid could still feel the sting of their words and sometimes the sting of their hits.
"When we were younger there was a quote that I loved. Do you remember it? 'He is my most beloved friend and my bitterest rival, my confidant and my betrayer, my sustainer and my dependent, and scariest of all, my equal.' It was a quote for brothers and I thought it was perfect for us. Then once we got into school I realized that we aren't equals. You have risen so much higher than me."
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Post by mike henry matthews on Aug 7, 2012 22:07:54 GMT -5
As Reid spoke about the situation Mike went through to get him the job, the male simply smiled and laughed a little. It wasn't that he felt obligated to help his brother out in such a way; no. It was simply because he knew that Reid would have loved the position of the Arithmacy Professor at Hogwarts - and for the simple fact that he knew anyone else in that position wouldn't have done as good of a job.
"You don't have to thank me, but you're welcome. I knew it would be a welcome distraction for you."
Smiling over at the other male in the room, Mike moved his gaze towards the snowy owl which had perched itself on his little branch and it gave a hoot to the pair. Mike had gotten James when Reid had disappeared for those three weeks. The bird didn't hold a candle to his brother's company, yet it helped - even in the slightest possible way. When Reid was found, the bird remained with Mike and would simply sit on his shoulder whenever he would walk around Hogwarts. The younger students loved it, yet most of the older students thought it was a silly thing for a Professor to do.
Upon listening to Reid's words about the quote and then about the two, Mike shook his head and sighed. Although he hadn't been there all the time for Reid while they were in school, he had tried as hard as he could.
"I haven't risen higher than you. And even if I have, I've slowed down; thus there are infinite ways that you can rise to my level."
After he had spoken those words, Mike instantly felt like he had spoken the worst words in the world. He didn't mean for them to sound like he was superior in any way, he was simply stating that in his own eyes the brothers were still equal. Even if he were to explain it that way, the male thought it wouldn't have helped in any way. Sighing slightly, Mike moved his gaze back towards his glass and took another large sip of it's contents.
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Post by reid jonah matthews on Aug 7, 2012 23:11:59 GMT -5
Reid nodded as he said it would be a welcome distraction to him and his brother was right. It was a welcome distraction. It had helped calm his mind a lot more than anything. Instead of staying at Mike's home once he had gotten the job he had finally found his own apartment. He had finally started to get back on his feet. He hadn't thought about drugs or his past. He had put all of his focus into his teaching and making sure that he kept the job. He loved being a teacher and it showed.
"It was....and still is. I just hate having days like this. Days where I feel so out of control. Where I feel like I'm falling apart at the seams."
He took a sip of his water and leaned forward thinking about his days at school. Mike had tried to help him so much but he had not always been there. It had been hell on him and he never wished to go back. He never thought that he would step foot in this castle again but now here he was living here and teaching students. He constantly watched out for bullies and put a stop to it immediately. He wouldn't tolerate that. His eyes shifted as Mike spoke again. So he thought that they weren't equal as well. It was the truth after all. No matter how hard they tried to change it it would always be the truth.
"I doubt I'll ever get up to your level."
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Post by mike henry matthews on Aug 8, 2012 8:50:57 GMT -5
"Did you take all of your medication?"
Mike knew that Reid had a problem with not taking all of the medication he was supposed to, and he wouldn't have been doing a very good job at being a brother if he didn't ask and simply watched as the other male was thrown down a spiral staircase into a bottomless pit of darkness. Yes, he knew that he could have asked such a question a nicer tone, however the male knew his brother and at times like these, he had to be a little of the offensive side to get the point across. Moving his gaze to the window, Mike noticed how the moon was bright and beautiful. Maybe it would have been nice to take Reid out of the castle and simply go for a walk. Brother to brother.
"You'll get up here one day. I won't budge. It's nice when you get here."
Chuckling slightly at his little joke, Mike stood and walked towards the bathroom. Tipping out the rest of his glass' contents, the male placed the glass back on the counter before walking back into the main room. Motioning for his brother to stand up, Mike pointed towards the window then towards the door.
"Grading tests can wait. You and I are going to go for a little walk. Unless you don't feel like you can keep up."
Nudging his brother, Mike stepped over towards the door and waited.
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Post by reid jonah matthews on Aug 8, 2012 10:50:05 GMT -5
Reid knew that question was coming. He knew he brother would notice and he didn't want to answer it right away. Reid had a bad habit of not taking his medication but it was only because he was scared that it would bring his habit back. He hadn't been hooked on pills. He had been hooked on the bad stuff but still any form of drug could make him slip and revert back to his old ways that was why he had days where he couldn't take all of his medication. He was too scared to take it and then he had days like this where he felt like he was falling apart. He shook his head and looked down at the glass he was holding.
"I was scared. I only took one pill today....I'm sorry, Mike."
He really was sorry. He didn't want to relapse again but he didn't want to fall into his schizophrenia at all. He hadn't had a really bad mental break yet except for the times when he relapsed and he didn't want to have one which meant he needed to take his medication but sometimes he just got too scared to take all of it.
Reid looked up as his brother walked out of the room and came back in saying that they were going for a walk. He took a deep breathe and nodded setting his glass down. Maybe the fresh air would do him some good. He stood up and followed Mike out of his room and out of the castle. The night air hit him. It was starting too cool down a little as fall approached. He closed his eyes and took in a calming breathe. Why couldn't he calm down tonight?
"Where to?"
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